Whoa, sooo not part of the plan!

25 09 2009

 

We’ve all been there. The time is the same as yesterday, the situation is the same as yesterday, the temprature, television placement, air temperature, humidity, mood, ambiance…… everything is the same as yesterday so its only normal that we would be having the same breakfast/lunch as yesterday. I mean… thats what I planned for and thats what im going to do. This is a problem when you have a father who wants to live life my the seat of his pants constantly and is, in turn, where i find myself right now. I had the oats on the stove and the coffee in the pot. Im about to start cutting up the fruit to make sure i get the nutrients i need today. Then down comes papa asking me to get some vegan pizza i mentioned i found last week. Apparently e has been craving some pizza for a while and has been waiting for me to go with him. Immediately, the sirens go off and the reaction to say no filled my head.

Then he asks me to go see Cloudy, With a chance of meatballs 3D. ‘But i was going to go to the gym later!!!” Friday is a workout day… lower body. Followed by two days of rest with light cardio if im feeling up to it, then it starts over again the next week. How could i switch a workout for a movie?!!?!?

 

I will let you know after I tear into this bad boy with Dad, and then go and laugh at a three-D movie thats meant for kids. Its about time we started acting like the kid we used to be, and its been more than long enough doing the same thing. Tune in later today readers… update to follow.

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No Fear Julia…

10 08 2009

Three main points tonight dear readers. It was a beautiful day full of sunshine and, while a little hot, not not too uncomfortable. Also, full of great friends and wonderful prospects for the week.

Starting off with a little read and a good journaling session. At the moment i am reading ‘Skinny Boy’ by Gary Grahl and let me tell you, if you dont own it go out and pick it up before you read further. Seriously…. stop reading because it really speaks to you as you read it. The main idea is about a young man who deals with anorexia fueled by a constant desire to be immaculate. A desire he feels came from his parents, coaches and peers. I dont want to ruin it, but there is one chapter where he talks to his mother about how she has hurt him in the past and indavetenly fueled his ED. Reading this flt like looking outside at myself. I mean, i can remember when i was a child an would much sooner keep y mouth shut and avoid a confrontation rather than bring up something that was bothering me. Therefore, everytime my mother would crack on me over things like grades in high school or how bad my diet was in high school i would be a little bottler. To quote Ron Burgandy i would put myself in “A glass case of emotion”. Looking back i can picture a bottle of cola being shaken and shaken until it eventually explodes when someone gives it a knudge on the counter. Something small like a knudge makes the bottle explode and thats something i would do all the time, especially like my mother. Back in the day my comort would be food, be it either i bowl of cereal/ice cream or a late night run to the golden arches. Tis eventurally switched extremes into not eating anything at all. Makes perfect sense right? Ummmmmm, yeah.

Anyway, after learning this about myself from a good session of reading/journaling i noticesd this about myself and made a point to be more honest. Not let what bothers me get buried and then pop up later on over something trivial. Just be honest and be confident that the consequences will never be as bad as they would be if nothing was ever said.

    Next, the movie Julie and Julia. Saw it twice, once with the mother and once with a good friend and her husband. This movie was cute, good for a date any anyone who likes to cook. The movie actually got me thinking about food a lot and im pretty sure that was because i was noticing all these recipes i would never cook for myself since there were copious amounts of butter, cream, fatty beef, white flourand more cheese than a Green Bay football game. But why? Why am i afraid to cook with things like this. If i had a ‘bad’ food maybe once a week or even a few times (leftovers and such) whats the worse that could happen? I would undoubtabley baloon back up to 300+ lbs, right. After missing half the movie dealing with these thoughts i came up with two things. One: i a going to challenge myself sometime soon woth cooking a recipe out of a book from start to finish. No substitutions, no omissions but cooking something from start to finish and (heres a kicker) not knowing the calorie content. Rather eating till im full and putting the rest away for later. Will let you know when this goes down and will be sure to photo document for you guys ;). Secondly, it got me thinking of Superman. Yes you heard right, the man of steel. Now, if superman ever let himself go and put on a little poundage would people love him less? NO WAY! Cause superman would save the day regardless of being skinny, fat, short or tall. But, if he were to isolate himself from society (common among anorexics) then people would not only be frustrated but also downright shocked with the hero. Not to mention in trouble from what Luthor was going to do that day. The lesson here? No Fear. Julia child said it on her show and it makes as much sense now as it did then. With fear we miss out on awesome new foods and memories, but without it we get to experience all these things and more. In short… we get to experience life.

    The last thing, which ties into the first point about honesty. One thing i did notice today was that honesty with others is good but it means nothing if one it not honest with yourself. Example: today i came down on my mother a bit about constantly bringing up an instance when i was a child and attempted to make scrambled eggs a little more exotic with the inclusion of garlic powder. Keep in mind in six and did not know meansurements or flavor profiles, etc. Ergo, there was a little ‘kick’ of garlic in those eggs to say the least. This is brought up in the house a lot, which sucks cause i do like to cook… but when instnaces like this are brought up i get the old feelings of inadequacy. Well, i decided to call my mother out and be honest, and while it was good to get everything out in the open… i learned that she thought it was a really cute and endearing memory of me that she not only cherished but would constantly laugh about. Now, having never been two inches tall i can only imagine what it feels like, but im pretty sure it was like that. This being said, pick your battles when it comes to this new aspect of honesty.

I guess its something to figure out along the way, something to look forward too. That…. and a new recipe. (also, if you have a recommendation of a good one send it in). Hav a good night and know that you are worth being told the truth… especially when it comes to being honest with yourself.

*Coming up next… jab session and lunch (WHOA!) with an old friend. and… Dr’s appointment this Friday. Luck wishing may be needed. But, once again, no fear Julia…. im not afraid.