Time flies, fun or not.

11 09 2009

Four things were realized today; the firt being that im a scourge on the Blogsphere with the lack of postage. My apologies to my many readers (i know your there) who click on the ‘Manorexic’ to no new avail. I can only say that i will attempt to be a better poster and not leave you all hanging so much.

Secondly and Thirdly for that matter; today is 9/11 and does everyone else remember where they were when ‘IT’ happened? I was in gym class my sophomore year of high school. This was eight YEARS ago! Where has the time gone? I also got the notion of fleeting time and change when i went to see ‘9’ yesterday. P.S., if you did want to do a movie this weekend then hit up the movie 9. Not only is it awesome and post apocolyptic, but its Citizen friggin Kane compared to Sorority Row (for sure). Howev-sies, it got me thinking of the beginning of this year when i was knee deep in my disordered behavior and saw the teaser trailer for this movie with my friend ‘A’. I remember leaning over and telling her i cannot wait to see this with her… and now i dont even live in the same state, or even the same time zone. I also remember the light at the end of the tunnel, the prospect of a new and disorder-free year. Yeah… not so much the ladder. Which reminds me… the doctor happens again today. whoo hoo? Heres hoping it goes well… will keep you posted by posting.

Last bit… then some good stuff. Now, even though iv’e been MIA i have been keeping up with others around the Blogshpere and have noticed a recent theme of “who are you?” What are the wonderful things that make this man different and special from that man. What are te things that make me happiest that i should ENJOY filling my day with rather than feel obligated to? I pray daily to¬†get closer to the purpose God has for my life and that i will have the foresight and the submission to follow Him. I feel like im not submitting fully though cause im still pre-occupied thinking about what i want to do with my life, what im passionate about, blah-dy, blah-dy, blah-dy, BLAH! (‘Amanda Show’ reference). Then, a post from a certain Evil Genius asking the same ‘Who am I?’ question, which was the straw that broke the camels back. After deep thought i decided the only things to do about it were to pray about it and reflect.

All i can say is, Thank goodness for Myspace for keeping a record for me before i knew i was going to need one. It would seem i haven’t checked it since the year 2007, its also the last entry i wrote for anything before i started spiraling into the ‘dark place’ (LOTR reference). Also, oddly enough, it has a list of things that make me happy and after reading it i must agree. Not only did the list include pancakes and breaking down to buy season 3 of Lost but there were: Baking, gift giving, trying on jackets that fit, playing the guitar, hearing people laugh, having a clean room, the five minutes after a workout, vulcan video, all music before 1991 on the radio, white teas and yogurt parfaits, cereal, songwriting, jamba juice, bike riding, the perfect omelete, exact change, unicorns, the ice at which wich, one blone streak in a girls hair and answering the movie quote at Amy’s ice cream. Phew, are you happy yet?

What does this tell me? I know that im friendly and tend to put others before myself. I like to be creative and laugh and am a bit of a perfectionist. It also shows me why i fell into this pit in the first place. Note, does anyone see God on this list? Neither do i. Ergo, i was focussing on people rather than Him (not a good idea).

Now, some good stuff. Submission. We’ve gone over loosing yourself to Christ and be risen as a new creation but there is still the possibility of going down this road for selfish reasons. For me, it was caring/worrying about the future and not fully as a form of submission to Him. My advice to you and myself (especially the ladder) is to stop focussing on ourselves/what a stoopid disorder makes us and work more towards forgetting all that. Today is the first day where we can start fresh and give it all up to God and allow im to be out puppet master. This does NOT mean that your going to be some mindless bible-carrying zombie… quite the opposite. I believe that God will enrich our lives fully and lead us to a place where we find out who we truly are and not what distorted thoughts tell us. To finally get better (whatever that means) and start LIVING again, rather than simply taking up more space. It’s scary and things are going to change and be weird. I like to think of it as going on a long hike with a big napsack, you take atuff out and put new and more essential stuff in, the bag changes shape but becomes more essential and functional as a result… it becomes an essential, rather than a, accessory. So, go and enjoy today…. enjoy it to the fullest. Then have some pancakes and think of yours truly. Maybe these! .

“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, (Ephesians 1:18)”